Lithuanian Parliament Warms to Homosexuals

The Lithuanian parliament, in a 58-4 vote, approved amendments to legislation which had sparked criticism from gay rights groups when it was passed in July. The law bars the "public dissemination" of information favorable to homosexuality, claiming it could harm the mental health of minors. The legislation also covered foul language and bad eating habits. The amendments allow advertising on behalf of fashion designers, curtain manufacturers, and 'anyone speaking with an audible lisp,' but stopped short of allowing men who carry purses or tiny rat dogs to publicly express their beliefs, whatever those might be.
Over a lunch of cepelini in rendered fat, with chicken jello and vodka, the MP who authored the original bill, Alvirdas Sigonvicius said, "We are modern Europeans, but homosexuality, foul language, and bad eating habits are destroying our society." Asked if better education and paying closer attention to mother at the dinner table might assuage these problems, he said through a mouthful of food, "No, goddamn it! We've modeled our law on the most forward thinking legislation being carried out internationally, such as in Uganda. They don't like faggots neither," and blew his nose in the linen napkin.