Santa's True Identity Revealed

He's adored by millions of children worldwide, but Santa Claus been accused of acting in ways that could "damage millions of lives," writes the Sydney Daily Telegraph. Dr Nathan Grills from Australia's Monash University, said Santa's "rotund sedentary image" had the effect of making "obesity synonymous with cheerfulness and joviality" around the world. In a paper published by the British Medical Journal, he also noted that children are encouraged to leave out hard liquor such as Brandy for a man who has a lot of travel to do in one night.
This has gotten the attention of the United Nations(UN), and at the UN General Assembly, delegates have debated Santa’s nationality, in order to pass a resolution for the world to later ignore. During the debate, the Latvian delegate said, “look at the way he drinks; he’s Russian.” The Estonian delegate disagreed. “If he was Russian, his Moskvich sleigh would break down. Then he would drink a lot, eat the reindeer, and fall asleep on a rooftop in Nizhny Novgorod.” The representative from Bangladesh then took the floor and said “Mr. Chairman, just look at the size of him; he is huge. He must be American.” But the UN delegate from Canada disagreed. “He can’t be American, or he wouldn’t be able to find any country outside of the U.S. to deliver toys to - other than London and Paris.” After 3 days of debate, the General Assembly reached accord and passed a resolution stating that Santa is really former German Chancellor Helmut Kohl.