Ugly Stewardesses Lose Union Backing

Reacting to Finnair's decision to subcontract a greater portion of jobs, employees struck on December 1st. Finnair reportedly canceled 17 flights on Tuesday due to the strike.
The Finnish brand of cradle-to-grave socialism has suffered setbacks, including the replacement of Silja Line workers with Estonians. Later, the Estonians were quietly replaced with chimpanzees. "We're not just striking for Finns," said union spokesman Pekka Pokkalainen concerning Tuesday's strike, "we're striking for all of mankind, and for chimps, too." Pokkalainen says chimpanzees are only a first step. "Soon somebody's teenage kid will pilot the plane from his iPhone while having sex with someone else's teenage daughter on dirty bedsheets somewhere in Helsinki." Pokkalainen said all Finnair workers' jobs must be secure, "except for ugly stewardesses, of course," he clarified.