Santa Held Hostage in Lido Restaurant

NATO forces have located Santa Claus in Riga, Latvia, where he has been held at knifepoint for the last eighteen hours and forced to make blood sausage in the kitchen of a Lido restaurant. Police report that Santa is tired but unhurt, and the previous reports of his demise were greatly exaggerated. NATO forces have blockaded the restaurant and allowed no holiday customers to enter. "As soon as Lido counts their midday turnover, we're pretty sure they'll release Santa," said Edgars Pukvitis, a police spokesman. "Since the IMF took over Latvia, Lido is about the only business still operating in this entire country."
Whether Lido management was behind the kidnapping, authorities refused to speculate, though they noted they were "generally suspicious of buffet-type operations."