Friday, December 11, 2009

Buy Baltic. Why?

Baltic governments are scrambling in these times of crisis to get consumers to buy local. But why should they, other from some abiding sense or patriotism? We wondered and stuck our crack team of investigative reporters on the job.
The cloudberry jam on the left is Estonian, and it's priced at 0.2 EEK per gram. The cloudberry jam on the right is Finnish, and it's priced at 0.16 EEK per gram. Hmm, thought we, and so put the question to Estonia's tarbijakaitseamet, the would-be Ralph Naders of Estonia. They confirmed that, indeed, our math is correct: the Finnish jam is less expensive, even though it comes from farther away. Same with Finnish chocolate. Same with Finnish...
"It's not dumping so don't you say it is," said Pekka Kuoppakehtilimpi, Executive Director of Finland Forever, the quasi-government institution charged with marketing Finnish products abroad. "The Estonians are just plain screwing their own countrymen. It's their modus operandi and should surprise no one." Kuoppakehtilimpi, who noted that his name has never once been correctly spelled by a foreign journalist, said that Estonians must "get used to the fact that Finland is good and Estonia is bad. It's really that simple," he said, stuffing his fat face with a handful of Finnish-made marzipan treats.


  1. This issue is further complicated by the fact that the Finnish cloudberry jam is probably "Made in Estonia" or "Made in Latvia". Come on, it is not possible to outsource this thing to China or India, thus it is outsourced to the Baltics.

    So the Finnish manufacturer screws the Estonian manufacturer screwing the Estonian consumer. Also, the local Estonian subcontractor probably screws the Finnish manufacturer.

  2. What a depressing spiral of connivance. I'm going to go make myself feel better with a big helping of cloudberry jam.