Opera's Debt Prompts Amateur Hour, Strip Club

The Cabinet of Ministers has alloted an additional LVL 500,000 to cover the tax debt of the Latvian National Opera but the LNO is still in trouble. "We have reduced the number of employees from 600 to 500 already," said Director Andrejs Zagars, "and that included my uncle Rauls on the curtain and cousin Edgars in the prompter's box. It's close to chaos."
To cope with increased costs and lower ticket sales, the LNO will use amateur talent for all winter performances. "If you've ever thought you wanted to sing opera," said Zagars, "please come to the south stage door." According to Zagars there is a Paul Potts or Susan Boyle on every corner in Latvia, "though they've all got an extra 'S' tacked on their names here of course." Recently, the Cabinet of Ministers began negotiations to turn the opera house into a strip club operated by Pamela Anderson's Lapland Group.