800 Passengers Stranded in Ice

Eckeröline's M/S Norlandia became icebound last week on its way from Helsinki to Tallinn and the fate of its 847 souls on board is unsure. "Luckily, we're in Finnish territorial waters, so the Finns have to feed us while we're stranded," said passenger Mike Murphy of St. Louis, Missouri. "Now if we were stuck just a few kilometers South, then the Estonians would feed us, and god only knows what that might be like." Estonia's Interior Ministry Jürgen Ligi confirmed that the passengers would be fed by Finland and that Mr. Murphy "would not have to suffer a bowl of milk soup, sült or other Estonian gastronomic oddities." The minister added that "Murphy, being American, is probably a fatass anyway, who could do to miss a few meals." A spokesman for Eckerö said they believed the ship could be freed from the ice as soon as April when the seas might warm enough to "break the ice by using fatass American passengers walking on the ice front of the ship."