Latvia will take one former Guantanamo bay prisoner, a closed session of the government decided Tuesday(see foto). According to unofficial information, the man is a citizen of Uzbekistan detained at the border with Pakistan. Although he has apparently never been involved in terrorism, he did cheat at Gitmo Prison Poker, has over 600 unpaid parking fines in Tashkent, and has never once brushed his teeth.
"We are pleased - particularly at this time - to play our role as a valued ally of the United States," said Latvian Ministry of Defense spokesman Vergu Uzraugs. Asked what is special about this time, Uzraugs answered, "it's Winter, we've received 7 meters of snow, and we've got 400 pensioner women keeping the streets of Riga clear. Those lazy old bags need help," Uzraugs said, picking his teeth with a paperclip. "Yessir, ole Waziristan there will have a shovel stuck to his hand so fast it'll make the diaper on his head spin 'round." Uzraugs has applied to accept 25 more Guantanamo detainees, "as long as they can operate a Mexican backhoe," he said. The captive's upkeep, rehabilitation, and Fiskars brand galvanized snow shovel will be paid for by the United States.