Restaurant Owner to be Shot at Dawn

"I still don't understand what I did," said Hillar Halb, owner of Kaleva Kartul, as his hands were bound behind his back and he was led from the courtroom to await execution at dawn. "I didn't think my restaurant was that bad."
But his restaurant was that bad. Guide Michelin judges, in Tallinn for a reconnaissance mission to determine whether to begin to rate the city's restaurants, stopped off at Halb's potato restaurant for a snack. "I thought 'potato, Baltic, you know,' that it just makes sense," said the Michelin judge who by rules of his organization could not identify himself. "But Estonians obviously cannot even properly cook a potato." The Michelin judge, on his blog, Vomitorium, described Kaleva Kartul as "a rare combination of pulverized potato, randomly-selected decor, and non-stop techno music which all amounts to an offense against mankind not witnessed in this magnitude since the Holocaust." The Michelin judge noted that the decor was particularly bizarre: "It's like this place was designed by a committee where every single member was tripping on some different substance."
Halb's sentence was stayed by an executive order but is expected to be carried out forthwith. For his last meal, he did not order from his own restaurant.