Monday, February 1, 2010

Ambassador Kalela Accused of Witchcraft

In a demonstration nothing short of stunning, Finland's Ambassador to Estonia, Jaakko Kalela, used a small, two-wheeled machine to effortlessly remove snow from Tallinn's Victory Square yesterday. "The ambassador is using only one hand!" shrieked Tallinn's Deputy Mayor Taavi Aas, as several dozen Estonians shouted "witch" and fled the square.
Since independence, Estonia has clung to its Soviet-era practice of snow removal on pedestrian paths, which is to say it employs three old women with brooms made of twigs who are ill or absent roughly three days out of five.
Ambassador Kalela also introduced a substance he referred to as "salt" to the ranks of city government administrators assembled on the square. "If you put this on the snow, watch how the frozen matter melts! And if you don't want to ruin your leather-soled shoes, put these granite pellets down on the sidewalk." The ambassador demonstrated their use by having several pensioners show how they could tread upon the granite pieces without slipping and breaking limbs. Asked whether additional western techniques might be employed to make Tallinn sidewalks safer, Deputy Mayor Aas would make no commitment but did concede that "the magic of this Kalela is truly strong."
Ambassador Kalela (above right) used the two-wheeled machine (above left) to dazzle spectators. Some bystanders said Kalela threatened to "blot out the sun."


  1. Damned Finns also have the power to remove snow from their streets with very great speed! How do we obtain this secret power in Estonia?

  2. I have seen that Kalela in action. A witch indeed! Witch! Witch!

  3. We need to organize a new singing revolution! This is our magic, white magic!

  4. Finnish magic is kind of weak nowadays as Kalela had to use a Swedish spell called Stiga ...