Ignalina to be Replaced by Treadwheel

Lithuania's Ignalina nuclear power plant, shut down since January 1, will be replaced by a Habitrail treadwheel. Already the state has announced a public tender for the procurement of millions of rodents, including the controversial nutria, which Lithuanian scientists believe will deliver more kilowatts of energy per calorie fed. "Hamsters are of course your traditional power producers, your garden-variety work horse, if you will," said energy ministry spokesman Gintaris Fetacheesicius, "but we plan to test gerbils, mice, rats, guinea pigs, and, yes, even the elusive nutria."
Lithuanian President Dalia Grybauskaite, wearing a Rodent Power tshirt, said at the press conference that she thought "these small furry forest creatures might be the future of the Baltic nations and eliminate our dependency on Russian gas." President Toomas Hendrik Ilves, visiting Lithuania to promote the release of his new LP, "Toms," said his country was experimenting with moose gas under his leading scientist Endel Lipmaa, a vocal opponent of global warming theory. Grybauskaite said her countrymen would also examine acquiring dogs from Romania and building even larger treadwheels. "Look to Lithuania for leadership," she said.