Bright Object in Sky Baffles Baltic Scientists

At 10:45 a.m. yesterday a blindingly bright object appeared in the Estonian sky approximately ten to fifteen degrees above the horizon. The scientific community quickly gathered to observe and analyze, but no consensus has been reached on an explanation. "Forty years ago something similar appeared this time of year," said Urmas Uuring, chairman of Estonia's League of Scientists. "We are entertaining a variety of theories and performing experiments and will release a conclusion when the data warrant it." Scientists have already publicly disagreed over the light source, the fight led by Estonia's most vocal critic of global warming theory, Endel Lipmaa, who is convinced the light is an alien spacecraft. "Heed my words," said the noted scientist. "And don't come crying to me if you're taken on board against your will and anally penetrated." Other noted scientists have theorized that the entire population is drunk and may be collectively imagining the light.
Witnesses report the object giving off enough light that car headlamps are no longer needed for driving, and in some apartment buildings cigarette lighters no longer required to find your way in the stairwells.