Entire Population of Tartu to Compete in Olympics

The entire city of Tartu has been selected to represent Estonia in the Vancouver Winter Olympics, writes Postimees Online. With 102,000 athletes, Estonia's 'Team Tartu' will participate in seven disciplines.
12,890 Tartu residents will form the luge team, riding on snow shovels borrowed from the city's sanitation department. For a competitive edge, the members of Tartu's Annelinn bowling league will "bowl a few balls into the track when other teams are competing.. to keep them on their toes," said luge coach Karli Kaval with a sly grin. Without the funding necessary to rent slalom skis, 8900 Tartu residents will compete in the Aggressively Falling Down A Mountain event.
22,150 University of Tartu staff and students will compete in the combined sport of Curling+Figure Skating. Their trainer, Oskar Omareiglid, said "This demonstration of Estonian Moving Target Curling will take the world, the judges, and the figure skaters by surprise. With our rules, each skater knocked over with a curling stone is worth 5 points. Flattening a pair at the same time is 50 points, like a bulls eye in darts," he said. Omareiglid's strategy is to launch up to 75 curling stones at once in a technique he calls ‘the Blitzkrieg.’ He is confident of a medal.
6,500 Tartu Cross Country ski team members have already departed for Vancouver, on skis. Coach Sammi Suuskama said "They are novices. But they are crossing countries aready, and will cross 19 countries before reaching Vancouver. When they arrive, they'll be ready."
Tartu’s 21,000 strong 'Pensioner Posse' will compete in the Icy Sidewalk Smack down, a demonstration sport in 2010. The Posse are feared for their steely eyed determination, low center of gravity, and ruthlessness in a cold weather queue. The remaining 27,500 Tartu residents will spend their time canvassing Vancouver’s bars, ensuring the Russian Olympic team remains drunk. Their motto, said one team member, is “keep the baby on the tit”.
The most controversial contingent are the 9,900 bi-athletes, who are attending despite objections of Tartu's mayor Lauri Lollpea, who said "I support the Olympics, but this is sport, not a gay pride parade."