Balts Buy Belarus

After a joint session of the Baltic states' economics ministers, the three small nations have agreed to pool their funds and buy Belarus. "We've become so dependent on it in a way," said Lithuania minister Mikas Hedacabbacius. "Every schoolboy knows to get consumers your product has to be cheaper or better. We once were cheaper and now we're not."
The ministers admit the Baltic states are not producing much of superior quality, either, which is one reason many of its producers have turned to Belarus to exploit the still-cheap labor there. "Our software companies are using Belarussian code writers to stay competitive," said Estonian minister Igor Odavpill. "Our furniture makers are operating there. Even Belarussian hookers are providing better thrills for half the money."
The ministers' deal, struck at the eleventh hour after intense negotiations, will grant Belarussian dictator Aleksandr Lukashenko EU citizenship, use of a gardener's cottage in Marbella, and the choice of any used Opel off the lot at Tulika Takso. "He's content," said Hedacabbacius of Lukashenko. "As part of the deal he remains captain of the Belarussian national hockey team." An unnamed Belarussian source said Lukashenko was briefly torn between choosing the Opel or a lifetime supply of Estonian girls, but went for the old car noting "it would probably be easier to start."