Balts Compete for Christmas Tourists

Tallinn's Christmas market officially opened yesterday, and its plan is to aggressively vie for regional tourism business. Mayor Edgar Savisaar personally launched the "The Cheers for the Foreign Guy" campaign at yesterday's opening ceremony by scouring the crowd himself. "Are you foreign personage?" asked the mayor in a heavy accent, and then led the crowd in a hip-hip-hurrah cheer once he'd found a Pekka, a visiting Finn from Tampere.
"The idea," says city spokesman Veiko Võtmed, "is not to be dicks. See?" Võtmed flashed a colorful button on his lapel which read Don't Be a Dick. "It's kind of our mantra, our internal slogan, and it was developed by some American consultants."
Similar tourism courses are taking place in Riga where locals are taught that if they must beat or bludgeon foreigners, they should do so while holding a New York City telephone book against the victim. "This way the damage doesn't show externally," said a smiling city spokesman. "No bruises. No nothing!"