Tallinn's Unemployment Tax

The growth of number of new jobless continued in Estonia in November reaching 84,178, or 12.8% of workforce Postimees Online reports. According to Liina Laisk, spokesperson for Tallinn Mayor Edgar Savisaar, this is good news. “This will boost the city’s revenue, thanks to the new unemployment tax Mayor Savisaar has imposed,” she said. “Now every one of those layabouts will now have to pay the city for their time on the dole.”
Responding to accusations cold hearted taxation, Laisk said “Cold hearted? That’s nothing. We’re taxing baby food, babies, mothers, breast milk, and smiles,” she said with a straight face. “This is merely the last in a line of new taxes. Under Mayor Savisaar, Tallinn city’s new policy is ‘if it moves, tax it.’ But we have made an exception for the unemployed. Our tax will reach them right where they lay parked on the couch.”

Savisaar Orders Christmas Tax

City inspectors in trucks will be making the rounds December 24th to enforce the mayor's edict that every second gift under the tree must go to the state. "I know it's tough," said Deputy Mayor Viktor Varas, "but it's the only way we can ensure city employees have a good Christmas."
Inspectors have been undergoing training for the past weeks where they learned how to spot gifts hidden elsewhere in the home. "Sometimes you'll see something nice in a home that's unwrapped," said Senior Inspector Mihkel Mats. "That object is very likely a gift and so we confiscate that, too." A favorite among inspectors are iPhones and iPods. "The best place to get those is from kids on the bus," said Mats. "They'll claim it wasn't a gift, and I just tell them, 'Hey, I'm only taking every second one I see.' Sometimes that works to calm them down. Estonians are very respectful of law and order." City officials said any surplus of gifts or any objects not wanted by members of the government would be sold at Kadaka market with the proceeds donated to fund Tallinn 2011.

Tallinn 2011 Reduced to Facebook Page

Eesti Päevaleht has reported that Tallinn Culture Capital 2011's one-time 100-million-kroon budget has been reduced by the city and state to 30 million kroons (approximately 27 USD). "But we can start a Facebook group for that much," said Mayor Edgar Savisaar as he announced the cuts.
2011 officials have been scrambling to obtain financing from other sources, including between the sofa cushions in their Pärnu mnt office. Other possible sources include shaking down the 80-year-old beggar in the nearby McDonald's, as well as possible one-time gifts from strippers and prostitutes who better understand the need to take advantage of Tallinn's European Cultural Capital designation in 2011.

Pork Barrel Populism: LC's Weekend Magazine

What's the best job in Tallinn, Estonia? The reisisaatja, or bus attendant. And the best thing about it is you get a seat even when the bus is full. That's him in the bright yellow vest, seated while the two young ladies behind him stand. This reisisaatja wasn't chewing gum or listening to an iPod, though those are two clues to help you easily spot one.
The reisisaatja is a product of Mayor Edgar Savisaar and his Centre Party's new "social work" program: jobs for those who need them. Requirements for the reisisaatja? Stand around. Not stand around and look busy. Just stand around. They don't do conductors' work. They don't deal with indigents who've soiled their pants. They don't take beer away from the partiers in the rear of the bus. They do, however, sometimes lift a stroller into the bus.
In fairness to this reisisaatja, he eventually did stand up and give his seat to some passengers, though perhaps that was because your conspicuous correspondent had already taken a half dozen photos.
If you're hot on the trail of a new career, consider an opportunity as a Tallinn reisisaatja. It's just one email away. Write Edgar.Savisaar@tallinnlv.ee. His email lines are now open. He's waiting to hear from you.

Whose Tree Is It?

Tallinn's Christmas Market was featured among Europe's top 20 in The TimesOnline overview of European Christmas markets. While the newspaper provided no rankings, some Tallinners were quick to claim the paper rated them first, since their listing appeared first in the article. "What else could they mean?" asked Taavi Tikkud, spokesman for the Tallinn Hotel Association. "We were first in the article, and first is first. Isn't it?"
The article also noted Tallinn claimed to be the site of the world’s first Christmas tree, dating from 1441, but failed to mention Riga also claims that honor. "This is just another example of how the world discriminates against Latvia," said city councilman Edgars Lazo. "The crafty Estonians take credit for everything." Lazo named another age-old, unresolved dispute: whether Walter Zapf--Minox spy camera inventor--was Estonian or Latvian.