Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Insult to Injury: Russia Beaten by All-gay Canadian Team


For a proud Russian it's not easy to lose to Canada. It's even harder to handle when the team that beats you is all gay. In a surprise announcement yesterday, Canada's Olympic Committee head Marcel Aubut, disclosed that the hockey team who had handed a 7-3 loss to Russia was, in fact, all gay: "We didn't want to release the information sooner, because we know the Slavic mentality about these things, but Russia was beaten by an all-gay team." Aubut, a former gay hockey player himself, said he wanted to avoid taunting of his players by the Russian team. "Some of the greatest warriors in ancient Greece were gay," said Aubut, "but you know how Russia is--they just black out or change whatever part of history they don't want to hear about." Canada has long recognized the importance of gay teams and started a tolerance program in secondary schools featuring the slogan, We're gay, We skate, Get used to it! "What Russia doesn't realize," said Aubut, "is that gays have handed them most of their hockey losses throughout history. 1980, the Americans. All gay."
The Kremlin did not respond to requests for interviews in connection to this article.
Above left: The Canadian hockey team practices nude. Coaches say it builds esprit de corps. At right, "checking" has always been hockey code for anal sex.

8 comments:

  1. I played hockey in Michigan growing up and I can say as a fact that 80% of my team was gay. But they always respected my right to be heterosexual and did not discriminate against me in any way. I say hooray for Canada's gay team. It's nice that they don't have to pretend to be something they're not.

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  2. I'm a gay hockey player from Toronto and I couldn't be prouder of my Canadian peers. We really socked it to the ruskies striking a two-in-one blow for democracy and gay rights.

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  3. We're here, we're queer, get used to it!
    -A gay goalie

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  4. I am also a gay hockey player and I'd like to thank you for publicizing this. There are so many of us who would like to come out of the locker, so to speak.

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  5. I should like to add that I am also a gay hockey player. I always dreamt of an all gay squad and now my dream has come true. Thank you, Canada!

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  6. Why do you hate gay people so much? Don't you have anything better to write about?

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  7. Hey, you, Anonymous above: go read a website simple enough for you to understand.

    Russia hates to lose. Russia hates more to lose sports it is good at. Russia fears gays. Russia beat by gay hockey team. It's a joke giving Russia a hard time. Get it? Or are you from the Baltic?

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