A recent European Union study has confirmed what Baltic peoples have long wanted to deny: their cheese is all the same. The study, conducted in connection with the McKinsey consulting group, reveals that all cheese manufactured in Eastern Europe is "uniformly yellow with a taste which does not differ from one varietal to another." "There is no 'variety' in 'varietal,'" the study concluded.
"This is simply not true," said Lithuania's Maxima supermarket chain director Mikas Fetaloticius at a press conference held behind his store's cheese counter. "As anyone can see, the cheese on my left is a light yellow, while the cheese on my right is one pantone degree darker. The cheese in the middle," noted Fetaloticius, "has holes so it is therefore Swiss." Maxima's parent company, VP Market, has vowed to finance its own study which will "prove conclusively the sophistication and subtleties of the Eastern European cheese."
The misunderstood cheese: Eastern European cheese (left) has long only been appreciated by the elite few.