Friday, March 5, 2010

East European Cheese Determined to be All Same

A recent European Union study has confirmed what Baltic peoples have long wanted to deny: their cheese is all the same. The study, conducted in connection with the McKinsey consulting group, reveals that all cheese manufactured in Eastern Europe is "uniformly yellow with a taste which does not differ from one varietal to another." "There is no 'variety' in 'varietal,'" the study concluded.
"This is simply not true," said Lithuania's Maxima supermarket chain director Mikas Fetaloticius at a press conference held behind his store's cheese counter. "As anyone can see, the cheese on my left is a light yellow, while the cheese on my right is one pantone degree darker. The cheese in the middle," noted Fetaloticius, "has holes so it is therefore Swiss." Maxima's parent company, VP Market, has vowed to finance its own study which will "prove conclusively the sophistication and subtleties of the Eastern European cheese."
The misunderstood cheese: Eastern European cheese (left) has long only been appreciated by the elite few.


  1. I think they use several different types of plastic in the production process.

  2. Oh, god, yes! I knew I'd been eating the same cheese all these years. I think the recipe originates from the Kremlin and all the FSU countries are required to make it.

  3. In Nebraska we didn't have good cheese for the longest time. We knew about it and we're read about it, but until the yuppies took over America good cheese never made it out to us. We had Velveeta which my grandfather used to call "rat cheese."

  4. you don't like it, go home. white cheese is good cheese. If baltic peoples wanted more different kinds, there would be them in the stores. and there aren't. see? my favourite is "krievu siers," (Russian cheese).