Bank's Advice: Entrepreneurs Must Collude

In an interview with the newspaper "Biznes&Baltija", Andris Miernieks, senior economist at "SEB banka", urges all Latvian entrepreneurs to stop quarreling. "It is the time to stop quarrels and start cooperating," he said. "This can be done through forming clusters or in some other way, like by collusion, by building great big human pyramids, or maybe blindfolding each other and you don’t let the other guy bump into a wall. Cause quarreling gets you nowhere, man,” said Miernieks.
“But, collusion; that's the best method,” he said. “Look at SEB and Swedbank. We've found over time that following each other around in circles is a cost effective way to feign the competence we lack.” Miernieks explained that the bank hires people lacking initiative, and has them follow whatever is being done over at Swedbank. "And Swedbank does the same!" he said cheerily. “See, if other banks are doing the same thing you do, then business people will think whatever it is you’re doing you’re supposed to be doing, cause like the other guy's doing it too, you know? We call it the lemming strategy. It's simple, it's cheap, and it’s worked for us for years," he said. "Well, at least it did until recently."

SEB and Swedbank decrease staff

In 2009, SEB Estonia decreased its staff by 73 employees writes Postimees Online. “Most of the fall in staff numbers comes from not replacing those who have left,” said the communications director of SEB Estonia Tiit Vohandu. Swedbank, on the other hand, has lost 9000 employees. Swedbank press spokesman Juhan Siilimagi said “I want to say that this wholesale exodus of our entire Baltic staff did not happen because Swedbank is a ‘rotten awful place to work with an inexperienced and brain dead local management team who have been neutered by the Swedes because they have proven unable to manage their way out of a wet paper bag without the guidance of someone who has the unfettered use of a cerebral cortex,” he said, referring to a joint letter signed by 8,920 of the 9000 departing employees.
It’s also not because ‘the bank has taken leave of its senses and turned on its good customers to cannibalize their businesses with punitive fees in a desperate effort of the bank to survive,’” he said in reference to a joint letter signed by 50 of the bank’s largest corporate customers. “And I believe it has nothing to do with the fact that the Swedish government has had to guarantee our corporate debt because we made such a balls up of our Baltic lending business. No,” said Siilimagi, "I think the reason we have lost all our employees is that they are fed up with having to wear those ‘ridiculous orange and blue polyester neckties at work every damn day,’ he said, referring to an email dated today and signed by himself. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” he said, “I’m leaving. Please close the door behind you on your way out.”