Clubby EU Slights New Members

In a Monday interview with the Polish daily Gazeta Wyborcza, Estonian President Toomas Hendrik Ilves, noted that of 158 European embassies only one is headed by a diplomat from a new member state (the EU's Norway delegation headed by Hungarian Herman Janos). "But there are others," said Ilves, "who also do not chew with their mouths open, who hold the fork in the correct hand, who know that napkins are to be put in the lap, and who wear neither ridiculous designer bling nor the boxy, flammable commie-era suits." Asked whether Eastern Europeans' choice of unshined, pointy-toed shoes and sometimes bizarre brand of English might be barriers to reaching top EU positions, he remarked that Indrek Tarand, one of Estonia's representatives to the EU, had just last week purchased a new pair of black suede shoes.
Contacted by the Livonian Chronicle, EU President Herman Van Rompuy called Ilves' claims "baseless." "Mr. Ilves should know," said Van Rompuy, "that over ninety percent of the cleaning staff working EU buildings is eastern European. I don't know what the president of Estonia is complaining about. Next he'll want to get them all golf memberships at Augusta Country Club."

Just Don't Get No Respect

Ott Licht would like just a modicum of respect. The chairman of the brewery Viru Õlu isn't happy about PM Andrus Ansip saying Estonia has only one brewery (not his) and President Ilves saying Latvian ice cream tasted better than Estonian ice cream. A column by Meelis Kubits in the weekly Eesti Ekspress recently explored the issue of the Estonian government's distaste for businessmen.
At last year's independence day presidential reception, businessmen were not seated in the main ballroom but were assigned to an anteroom next to the lavatory with a TV brought in for them to view the festivities. Instead of catered food, they were served Estonian Air coach-class meals in blue plastic boxes and charged for their drinks.

Medal Rental Business Booms

Ordenirent's showroom has everything from medals to swords
"This time of year is a real crunch," says Ordenirent OÜ manager Kristi Sepp. "There are lots of parties and diplomatic functions and everyone wants to wear something shiny." Contrary to popular belief, says Sepp, most of the state decorations worn with white tie and tails are rented not owned. And politicians often disagree over who gets to wear what. "Last year Ainars Slesers and Edgar Savisaar both wanted blue medals, but we'd already rented those to the staff of the German embassy. The politicians demanded I cancel the German's order, and I had to tell them we just don't work that way."
Swords are also growing in popularity according to Sepp. "All the top ministers are wearing them." Sepp says new for this year's state reception season are eye patches and stick-on dueling scars. "The Estonians, in particular, go for stick-on scars," Sepp said. "The Latvians' black eyes and swollen, cut-up faces are usually real, though."
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A Presidential Breakfast

The President of Estonia, Toomas Hendrik Ilves and his Latvian colleague met with U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in Berlin Sunday. The meeting, proposed by Clinton, was held at the Brandenburg Gate restaurant at the Berlin Hilton. President Ilves had sardines on whole wheat toast, and Zatlers ordered kasha with a side of sliced kiwis. Secretary Clinton enjoyed a large stack of pancakes, four eggs over easy, a side of bacon and sausage links, and a glass of fresh squeezed organic orange juice. At a news conference later, Clinton explained how she ordered jelly filled donuts, or “Berliners” for all three for dessert, saying, "to paraphrase JFK, Wir sind Berliner, ha ha ha."
President Ilves explained that “Secretary Clinton was being ironical, because JFK had once famously said ‘ich bin ein Berliner’, which means ‘I am a jelly filled donut.’" "Of course, he didn’t mean to say that” added President Zatlers, adding “what he wanted to say was completely different, and that is what makes international diplomacy so important.” Secretary Clinton paid for breakfast.