Estonia Changes Tourism Slogan to "A Country of Interest"

In order to capitalize on the US government's new classification system, Estonia has changed its tourism marketing slogan from "Positively Surprising" to "A Country of Interest." Now, says tourism spokesman Tiit Tüütu, "anytime someone googles terrorism-related topics he'll wind up on Estonia's homepage." Tüütu added that the new slogan allows Estonia to recover "that certain ring" it lost when it abandoned the slogan "Welcome to Estonia."
The new US security designation follows as a result of alleged terrorist Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab who boarded an flight from Amsterdam to Detroit on Christmas day. Other Countries of Interest include Afghanistan, Algeria, Iraq, Lebanon, Libya, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, Nigeria, Pakistan, Yemen.

Estonia Greets New Year with Taxes, Cigarettes

Estonia brought in the new year with increased excise taxes on cigarettes, petrol, and alcohol. The City of Tallinn also introduced new taxes on items such as boats, mountain bikes, iPods, iPhones, iPod Shuffles, Nike running shoes, Rossignol skis, Dunhill lighters, Partagas cigars, D&G sunglasses, and "anything else I think of that the Tallinn bourgeoisie in my country like to consume" noted Mayor Edgar Savisaar in a prepared statement delivered from the backseat of his S-class Mercedes Benz.
Kadri Simpson, Centre Party member of parliament's finance committee and Centre Party praised Mr. Savisaar's tax initiative, noting that "it's the best thing he's done since giving away free potatoes and firewood to Estonian citizens." Simpson said Centre Party strategists were busy organizing a "massive giveaway" for the spring where "millions upon millions of cigarettes will be given free to citizens in need."

Latvian Retailers’ Cartel

The Competition Council has determined a cartel exists between the retail trade companies Plus Punkts, Narvesen Baltija and Preses apvieniba, and fined these companies LVL 103,000 altogether. The three companies simultaneously started to charge exactly the same prices for condoms, Snickers bars, beer, and pre-paid Communist Party membership cards, according to the Competition Council. Asked for comment, Janis Kopejs, spokesman for Plus Punkts, Narvesen AND Preses apvieniba said, “we were just following our bank’s advice. And also, the condoms had different flavors.”

Latvenergo Remote Electro Sticks

On Monday Lithuanian news agencies reported that Russia and Belarus had failed to reach agreement on power transit conditions via Belarus, which could threaten power supplies to Lithuania. Responding to this news, Latvenergo spokesman Andris Volts said that emergency situations cannot be ruled out, but he didn’t think one likely. Asked to clarify this statement, he said. “Latvenergo burns lots of coal, we have a hydroelectric stations, and there’s always Ignalina just over the border.” Reminded that Ignalina was shut down on 31 December, he said “Oh. Really? Well then, we’ll just rely on Russia. They’ve always proven themselves a reliable and trustworthy partner, right? And our backup plan, just in case, are to sell these handy Latvenergo Brand Remote Electro Sticks."(see foto)

Ignalina to be Replaced by Treadwheel

Lithuania's Ignalina nuclear power plant, shut down since January 1, will be replaced by a Habitrail treadwheel. Already the state has announced a public tender for the procurement of millions of rodents, including the controversial nutria, which Lithuanian scientists believe will deliver more kilowatts of energy per calorie fed. "Hamsters are of course your traditional power producers, your garden-variety work horse, if you will," said energy ministry spokesman Gintaris Fetacheesicius, "but we plan to test gerbils, mice, rats, guinea pigs, and, yes, even the elusive nutria."
Lithuanian President Dalia Grybauskaite, wearing a Rodent Power tshirt, said at the press conference that she thought "these small furry forest creatures might be the future of the Baltic nations and eliminate our dependency on Russian gas." President Toomas Hendrik Ilves, visiting Lithuania to promote the release of his new LP, "Toms," said his country was experimenting with moose gas under his leading scientist Endel Lipmaa, a vocal opponent of global warming theory. Grybauskaite said her countrymen would also examine acquiring dogs from Romania and building even larger treadwheels. "Look to Lithuania for leadership," she said.

Flick Bags 240 Grand, Doesn't Do Windows

Latvian national airline airBaltic president Bertolt Flick was paid LVL 240,000 in salary last year, according to Flick's income statement filed with the state revenue service. According to the local press, Prime Minister Valdis Dombrovskis will urge Transport Minister Kaspars Gerhards to reduce Flick's salary. "I don't understand why he won't work for free flights or sample bottles of duty-free perfume," said Dombrovskis during a press conference.
For his part, Flick said that if his salary was reduced he would no longer come in early to shovel snow off the runways and haul passengers' baggage. The airline's president also called into question whether he would continue in his starring role with "Air Baltic: The Musical" (photo right).

In Good Company

Estonians have grappled with the issue of how to reduce salaries of their parliament members during crisis time, and so far they've come up with no satisfactory answers (nor has parliament been especially helpful). But perhaps this first paragraph from Jeffrey Gettleman's review of Michela Wrong's book in The New York Review of Books will salve the wounds: "According to the United Nations, the average Kenyan makes $777 a year. Yet members of Kenya's parliament are among the highest paid in the world, with a compensation package of $145,565 (most of it tax-free). That is 187 times more than the country's average income and would be the equivalent of an American congressman making $8.5 million a year. And this is simply what is earned legally."